James reviews 'Bunraku' on Great! Movies and 'The Simpsons' on Channel 4.

Hello, I’m James Brook, and welcome to the twenty second episode of ‘I Review Freeview.’ 

This is where I review suggested upcoming Freeview programs, or something I’ve picked myself. Go to IReviewFreeview.com to search, or listen or indeed read and/or comment on all my reviews. And if you want to see what I’ll be reviewing next time, visit the page ‘What’s up next.’ That’s IReviewFreeview - all one word - dot com.

In this episode, I will review - as requested: 

Bunraku (2010) on GREAT! Movies and

The Simpsons on Channel 4

Only two this time, as I’m clearing the decks for the Euro footie and various age-related appointments in the next few days. Who knew getting old meant such a full timetable! Still if the choice is between ancient and heathy(ish), decrepid and unheathy(ish) and knocking on those pearly gates I’ve never believed in, then give me appointments and heathy(ish) any time. 

So, what have we got in this episode’s scintillating choices? Looks like a martial arts thing. The description is: ’A drifter arrives in a mysterious town with the intention of ending the Woodcutter, a murderous crime lord’s, violent reign.’ So basically a Clint Eastwood Western with swords, axes and kimonos, plus a visit with the world’s favourite yellow cartoon family.

So - depending how you look at it - an adult selection or something very childish.

By the way, the image for this episode was generated by a free AI image generator with the prompt:

Homer Simpson throwing donuts at a sword bearing Japanese martial arts expert photo realism

Not quite what I wanted, but then it never is. For most of the image generators I use said '‘Homer Simpson’ violated policy (Ha! no change there!), while others went ahead, but ignored him. But I did find one that was happy about it. Oh well. You live but don’t learn. 

Anyway, here we go:

Bunraku (2010) on GREAT! Movies, Thursday 13 June, 1:00 AM  

Ever since ‘Enter The Dragon’ came trundling into our local Odeons like a drunk gymnast determined to grab our attention, I’ve been a bit of a martial arts film fan.

Why, I’m not sure as there is something intrinsically silly about them, summed up neatly in the first raiders of the lost ark, when our hero, confronted by a whirling dervish wielding a sword with dexterity and skill, just pulls out a gun and shoots him. Every time, the audience laughs.

Why go through all the training, the muscle building, the hours of hitting buckets filled with sand when any old doofus with a gun can shoot you dead?

Most martial arts films contrive to get round this either by ignoring guns altogether, having them fired by people who always miss, or by moving the action to the past, before they were invented.

Commendably, ‘Bunraku’ tries something different, starting with a 5 minute arty-farty silhouette montage outlining the history of violence from amoebas having a go at each other right thru to ICBMs and nuclear war, complete with an unnecessary, annoyingly portentous commentary telling us what we can already see. 

This sets up both the film’s dystopian, lawless, gang dominated milieu and the blended style of live action, anime, spaghetti western and what can best be described as anything that says ‘OI! Pay attention: we’re doing fresh stuff here!’

Very, very annoyingly, from time to time the commentary pops up like an insistent school teacher describing an illustrated book to a dim child ‘Look, Tommy: here they are, slowly and painfully climbing up some rocks! They know perseverance pays, don’t they!’

O.K. So Bunraku is quirky and occasionally irritating, but - rather to my surprise - it works pretty well. It takes standard revenge plot lines and massages them with heightened visual effects and astute camerawork to keep you interested and engaged. And the fights - after all, when all’s said and done, it’s all about the fights - the fights are choreographed to within an inch of their lives, stylising the crash-bang-wollop into almost bloodless, balletic encounters.

‘Bunraku 2010’ is set in a town dominated by a gang of red-suited thugs headed by ‘the woodcutter’ a shadowy chap with dreadlocks, a liking for chucking axes at people and an unfortunate taste in hats.

The woodcutter’s second in command is ‘killer no. 2’ a nattily dressed gent with rimless glasses. He looks like an academic and dispatches hordes of rival gang members with a white silk scarf and a sword.

Into this mix ride two strangers who - as is in the nature of such films - establish their fighting hero credentials by first vanquishing some thuggish opponents, then by fighting each other to a standstill and deciding to be comrades in arms.

So - with the addition of a hefty bartender driving a small 3-door Fiat 500 - the stage is set: good guys versus bad guys, with a couple of optional women thrown in for decorative effect.

The woodcutter himself lives on the top of a mountainous hill - of course he does - surrounded by a seemingly endless army of minions, all skilled fighters, all able to pop out of the woodwork at any old time.

The task seems daunting to our two heroes, but fortunately ‘the general’ another shadowy figure, has been training a small army - as one does - in punching and kicking and other martial arts stuff.

Until this point, our two heroes had been taking on - and successfully defeating - small handfuls of opponents at odds of around 10 to 1. In fact, it was all getting somewhat monotonous, stretching the elastic of credibility beyond even Jet Li proportions.

But now, having a couple of hundred new good guys, willing and able at the drop of a hat to follow a couple of strangers on a hair-brained assault on the mountain lair of a guy who’s been giving them nightmares for years, well this allows the fight scenes to expand, from Biff-bang-bash, that’s another one done into Biffs-Bangs-bashes, oh! several done at once. 

When the ground forces have been dispersed, our heroes dash off, go through a waterfall, turn into silhouettes and clamber up a fortuitous vertical tunnel to the gardens of the Woodcutter’s mansion.

It is useful at this point to say hero A is a cowboy type who fights with his knuckle-duster enhanced fists and hero B is a Japanese samurai who’s good with a sword. Luckily, when they split up and go exploring, hero A - the cowboy - meets another cowboy who also fights with his fists, while hero B - the samurai - bumps into Killer number 2, who also fights with a sword. How lucky is that?

So a couple of grand fights take place. Meantime the Woodcutter, after splitting some logs with an axe, wanders around in another part of the house.

Our cowboy hero defeats the bad cowboy and goes in to confront him, but the woodcutter throws his customary axe. Now, from the start, the cowboy has had super fast reactions: in fact it’s his main fighting attribute. You think, this man could pluck a bullet from mid-air. But he just stands there and lets the axe hit him. He immediately falls down and looks dead. Oh No! What a waste!

But he’s still alive Phew! Fortunately, the Woodcutter - instead of finishing him off - starts philosophising away, saying how he - as a ruthless, amoral person - will always survive, always win.

Meantime hero B - the samurai - at long last defeats Killer number 2 (oh, do keep up) and staggers - bow and arrow ready - into the inner sanctum.

At this point, someone high up in the production process must have said I know chaps! Let’s have something so stupidly unreasonable as an ending it’ll convince any doubters we’re serious about not knowing what the heck we are doing!

Now.. well, I don’t know. Here I am in my little grandpa annex, tap tap tapping away on my keyboard, without a clue what I should write next. Twice I’ve tried to describe the ending, but it’s so pathetically donut dumb I just can’t do it. What were they thinking of?

Of course, following in the traditions of such movies, the good guys win, but I’ve lost interest in what follows, and can’t remember it. I expect the cowboy departs on a train, while the samurai stays with his family and the bartender just goes on bartending. All to the portentous voiceover linking their actions to some supposed great legendary epic. Oh, for God’s sake!

But - hauling my head out of the disappointing mire of the last ten minutes and trying to sum up, I’d say ‘Bunraku’ is a brave attempt at doing something different, blending various styles and genres into a stylised and surprisingly cohesive whole. True, the voiceover is intensely irritating and redundant, while the ending is so ridiculous it can sabotage your entire perception, but, then again, this is just me.

I urge you to watch it. It wasn’t - quite - my cup of tea, but it could be yours. If so, enjoy.

Now, moving on, it’s hard to conceive of a more different TV program to ‘Bunraku’ than: 

The Simpsons (S 17 E 1: Bonfire of the Manatees) on Channel 4, Friday 14 June, 6:30pm

There is something elemental about the Simpsons. 

OK, so they might exist in a 2D universe, have yellow skin and ping-pong ball eyes, don’t have the requisite number of digits, act as if logic isn’t relevant and never age, but …..  even so, somehow, they are more real than your average daytime game show host. 

And don’t mention Marge Simpson’s blue hair piled so high she has to fold it down to sit in a car.

I don’t know how they manage it, being real, when they so blatantly are not. And this conundrum lies at the heart of their popularity. The good old ‘willing suspension of disbelief’ does so much heavy lifting it collapses in on itself, texting as it does so an exhausted ‘oh, go on then, believe it, it’s all true.’

You believe in them because your life would be reduced if you didn’t. 

‘Bonfire of the manatees’ is pretty average Simpson fare: a fast paced, broad brush, slapstick 25 minute drama more akin to pantomime than Pinter. 

Homer borrows money from the mafia to place a loosing bet on a scam, and is forced to loan his house out for the making of a porn movie. He manages to get free tickets to an attraction called Santa’s village, and packs Marge and the kids off for the day. 

The ‘Village’ is terrible, with an aggressive, bare chested elf, probably dead reindeer, a dying Santa and a paranoid, moth-eaten snowman. So Marge gives herself an early Christmas present and drives home.

Meantime the shooting of the porn movie has started, with two girls wearing diving suits sitting on a sofa pretending to be on a spaceship wondering how long before they get to planet Satisfaction.

Marge arrives, sees what’s happening and immediately drives off, crashing her car into Homer’s a few times as she does so. Homer is left in charge of the kids, complaining ‘you can’t leave me in charge! I’m their father!’ 

All this in the first 5 minutes or so.

Marge parks up and decides to ring home to say she’s coming back, but is trapped in the ‘phone booth by a giant sea creature - a manatee, or seacow. She is terrified, but is rescued by a manatee loving do-gooder with kelp in his pocket.

He is strong and handsome, with a becoming touch of grey at the temple, and Marge, ping-pong eyes agog, is much taken. She bonds with a manatee after taking wax from its ears.

Meantime, Homer is driving around looking for her, and ends up at a cousin’s house where, when they ask after Marge, he says she was killed by a falling air conditioner.

We’re over half-way through now, but there’s still lots to come.

Lisa - the sensible, brainy daughter with a conscience - spots Marge out at sea, shouting ‘I’ve got my groove back!’ while riding on top of a manatee.

Marge and the manatee man are at a beach BBQ when Homer turns up with chocolates and flowers, begging for her to come back, but she refuses, saying she wants to devote her life to a higher cause: manatee saving.

So Homer decides he has to do something heroic.

Some random jet skiers start bashing a group of manatees. Homer, pedalling furiously in a little swan pedalo, races to the rescue, but is beaten up and his swan disabled. At the last minute, manatee man and cousin charge up in a large speedboat and save the day, showing the miscreants an order signed by the sherif. On seeing it’s notarised, the bad guys depart, and the day is saved. Hurrah!

Marge and Homer make up and stroll along the beach arm in arm, and Homer proposes a short vacation. 

On being asked about his job, he says he has a friend who’ll fill in for him

Homer works in a nuclear power plant, but when his mercenary boss finds a manatee (unconvincingly wearing Homer’s work outfit) bashing random controls in the control room, he’s delighted and sponges the manatee down to keep him alive, which all ends in a giggling water fight.

Roll credits, that’s a wrap.

The sheer absurdity and pace of the plot defy you not to simply go with it, to surrender all critical faculties for 25 minutes (including an ad break).

Which - as must be evident - I have done so. After all, what’s not to like?

Yeah, OK: if you binge watch a succession of ‘The Simpsons’ undoubtedly the constant assault on your concept of what is rational could dent your appreciation of what is sane, but …. well …. so what? 

The world is in such a mess at the moment, with so little good news, a few hours spent in the company of the yellow family from hell - or heaven - take your pick - could be a considered a sensible way of passing time before fate hits you with a sock load of billiard balls.

I watched the Simpsons movie - an hour and a half, something like that - and laughed my proverbial socks off. Take it while you can, while there’s still time. After all the future depends on what other people do today.

And that misquote from Mahatma Gandhi concludes the reviews for this episode of ‘I Review Freeview.’

Don’t forget, contact me via email to contact@ireviewfreeview.com or through the website Ireviewfreeview.com where you can also click on the page ‘What’s up next.’ to see what programs I’ll be reviewing next time.

Thank you for listening, and goodbye for now.